Different Styles in Movies and Marriage

My spouse and I differ in a lot of ways, but there’s one very big difference between us.  It’s not related to money, or sex, or kids, or in-laws.  It’s much more serious.  It’s about super hero movies vs Hallmark  movies.  This difference has been there from the day we got married, and it produces groans and eye-rolling to this day.  What do you do when this happens?

Well, I had an aha moment one Saturday afternoon during a Hallmark movie marathon.  (Honestly, I just let my guard down for a second.)  There I sat, dreaming of Spiderman while watching another blond girl crying because her wedding wasn’t going to be perfect and her fiancé didn’t understand.  Suddenly, I saw it…

Super hero movies and Hallmark movies are more alike than you think!

 No wait!  I promise.  This really is important.  Give me a chance to explain.

How are superhero movies and Hallmark movies alike?  There is a common formula to both superhero and Hallmark movies.  The specifics may vary, but the formula stays pretty much the same.

  • Everything is typically fine when the movie opens.
  • There’s a hero that you like and root for.
  • There’s a villain who interferes and causes trouble.
  • The difficulties and conflicts keep getting worse for the hero.
  • Things deteriorate to the place where you’re not sure the hero will make it through.
  • Then something happens that changes the hero and the situation.
  • In the end the villain is thwarted, the situation is righted, and the hero triumphs.

Trust me.  It’s there.  Watch one of “their movies” and see if it’s not true.  (Come on, take one for the team.)

What does this have to do with marriage?  Like superhero and Hallmark movies, husbands and wives can be quite different at times.  Sometimes the differences between the two can seem so far apart that it’s hard to see how the two can coexist.  A couple may even begin to question if they really fit together.

But when you look past the particulars, husbands and wives are more alike than you think…

  • We both want to feel loved and appreciated by the other.
  • We both want to feel safe with the other.
  • We both want to feel we’re needed by the other.
  • We both want to feel we’re an asset to the other.  (“Asset”…not that other thing.)

In short, we both want the same thing.  We both want to be the love interest and the hero in our movie.  We both want the same story, we just want it in a different styles.

So what can you do?  Remember that your spouse may have a different movie style when it comes to life, but they want the same things you do…to feel loved, appreciated, safe, and significant.  So step into their movie style and give them what they need in the way they need it.  If you don’t know what that is, think about what they ask for (or complain about) most often.  These things are good clues to what they need and how they need it.  The more you step into their movie style, the easier you make it for them to step into yours.

Now if I can just get my wife to see that watching a superhero movie is the same as watching a Hallmark movie I’ll be set.  Wish me luck.

Leave a comment and share some of the differences you’ve encountered in marriage and how have you managed them?  

Copyright © 2014 Bret Legg