One Thing You Must Do if Your Marriage is in a Rut

Ever feel like your life was in a rut? I was struck by that feeling this morning as I grabbed my usual stuff and headed out the usual door at the usual time to do my usual job. Don’t get me wrong, I really love my work and I can’t imagine doing anything else. Still it’s easy to feel stuck in the “same old, same old.”

The same can be true in marriage. You can really love your spouse and still have that numbing feeling of being in a rut. The thought of doing life with someone else can be unimaginable, while the thought of continuing to do the same old thing can feel unacceptable.

One of my favorite movies is the 1993 movie “Groundhog Day,” with Bill Murry. In the movie, Murry’s character (Phil Connors) wakes up each day to relive the previous day all over again. Ever feel that way?

We may not like it, but ruts and routines are a part of marriage. They are the unseen programs running in the background of marriage that keep life functioning smoothly and without mishap. Still, once in a while it feels like the ruts and routines go viral, locking up our life and leaving us with the blue screen of death…or at least the grey screen of monotony.

What should you do when you feel your marriage is mired in monotony?

There are a lot of things you could do when you feel your marriage is in a rut. You could try changing things up with new schedules, new foods, new vacation spots, new hobbies, new clothes, new entertainment, new recreation, new homes, or even new jobs. All of these things can help get a marriage out of a rut.

But there’s one thing you MUST do when you find your marriage is in a rut, and that is…keep showing up.

Does this answer feel like a let down? Did you think the answer was going to be something more interesting or exciting? I understand. I feel the same way.

But think about it. No other solution will work if you don’t keep showing up. You won’t get out of the rut if you don’t keep showing up. You won’t solve the problems if you don’t keep showing up. It’s the one thing you must do when your marriage is in a rut.

Let’s go back to the movie, “Groundhog Day”…

  • At first, when Phil Connors faces the same day over and over again, he resists it. This only makes his life more maddening.
  • Next, he approaches the problem with reckless abandon. This makes things more exciting, but doesn’t solve his problem.
  • Then he surrenders in defeat. This only makes things darker and more depressing.
  • Finally, Phil Connors decides that he will meet each repetitive day by being fully present. Rather than trying to change it, he decides to make the most of it. In other words, he intentionally and gratefully…keeps showing up.

Your marriage will get stuck in some ruts and routines. Some may be short-lived while others may go on longer than you want. When this happens, you may try a number of things, but the one thing you must do if your marriage is in a rut is keep showing up.

I encourage you to share this post with your spouse, and then verbally pledge to each other to keep showing up.

Copyright © 2015 Bret Legg